Farmville is her only friend.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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