is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
