Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
