my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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