I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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