the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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