The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
