fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
