he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
