Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
