I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
