if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
