i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We had sex on a dog bed..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
