you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
