ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
