Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
