So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
