I must be too annoying 4 u.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
