My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
