a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
