I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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