she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
