just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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