you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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