I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
