I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
