he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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