if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
