I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
