You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
