I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
