thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
nut hugger
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
