Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
