youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
