I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
