I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
