You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
