Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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