I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
