Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
