he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
