He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He did a backflip because drugs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
