between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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