Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We need to rekindle our bromance
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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