Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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