Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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