So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
