apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
