what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
