Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
