Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
